Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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