She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
