god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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