OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my penis made a compromise with my morals
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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