I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
