if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
