thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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