he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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