im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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