so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
