I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
