I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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