I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
