I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
