Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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