We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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