all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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