what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
