my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
