i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
