In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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