I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
