apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
