yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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