Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
