My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
