his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
