cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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