In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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