So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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