Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
