Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
