I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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