I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
