in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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