just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
