During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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