My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
