i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
