i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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