But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
