I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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