my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
