Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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