My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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