hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
