you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
