whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
