Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
