that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
