I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
