His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
